A catch in my throat, choke. Torn into pieces I won't, no. I don't want to be this.

I was at the beach yesterday and it was 81 degrees.
I am so freakin happy right now. [:

Happy Valentines Day Mindsay!

Went to my follow up appointment today. They put me in the same room I was in the second time they couldn't find the heartbeat. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest as I looked at the familiar wall piece and felt the same nervous feeling. I cried. I knew I was going to. This still really fucking sucks.

Had a dream about my baby last night...it was like that day happened all over again. It was so...vivid. Needless to say, I woke up at 6:30am bawling my eyes out. That's the first time I cried in awhile though..doctors appointment tomorrow. Which means I have to talk about this again. They told me to write down any questions I have to ask between my surgery and my follow up but I haven't had any...and either has David. I wish he was coming with me tomorrow..I don't want to do any of this by myself. Its getting a little easier, but I still miss my baby every single day.

I wish I could lose my baby weight...
But it seems like its so hard to do when I feel like I still have pregnant eating habits.

I'm still suppose to...